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| Winner of 2014's "Most Deceptive Movie Poster!" |
Exodus was stunning and left my expectations shattered. How could a movie, with Ridley Scott at its helm, be wrong on so many different levels? From the same mind that conceived Blade Runner, Alien, and Gladiator, comes a tramp dressed as a baroness. This film genuinely boggles my mind. A few positive elements surface in a sea of awful. Scott still knows how present a grandiose ancient world. The Plagues, Memphis and other cities in Egypt look awesome. CGI wasn’t intrusive and augmented my viewing experience. Egyptian suffering was visceral and uncompromising. The morning after God kills all the first born children was harrowing. Maria Valverde plays a gorgeous Zipporah (Maria wherever you are, let’s go on a date). Moses’ conflicted identity and the film’s portrayal of God challenge traditional interpretations. Those summarize the positive elements.
The ethnicity of actors usually doesn’t bother me, but Exodus is supposed in ancient Egypt. All of the main cast are white except for two characters: Bithia (Hiam Abbass from Israel) and Nefertari (Golshifeh Farahani from Iran). Really, that’s it? Ridley couldn’t find any other Middle Eastern actors and actresses? Bullshit. It was 2014, Ridley could find people of proper ethnicity and still get his movie funded. Or maybe Hollywood is full of horrifically racist people who claim to be otherwise, but that’s ridiculous *cough*. Seeing Sigourney Weaver as Tuya is beyond hysterical. Speaking of bad casting, let’s talk about Moses.
I understand directors and actors forming friendships that will influence who gets a leading role, see Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. However, Christian plays the worst Moses I’ve ever seen on screen. Bale whispers and mutters all of his lines. He slips into the “batman voice” when the script calls for Moses to project. He broods for the entire film, even when he’s happy. However, the totality of blame can’t be placed on Bale’s sub-par acting.
Rarely, have I seen a director blatantly rip-off their own films and Ridley takes the cake this year. Imagine Exodus as a B-list version Gladiator with less awesome and plagues. The character dynamic between Pharaoh, Ramses and Moses is a literal copy from Gladiator. Moses is favored over Ramses by Pharaoh and despite the two being raised as brothers, conflict eventually emerges. Ramses is heir to the throne, but Pharaoh wishes that Moses was his actual son. The only difference manifests in Moses and Ramses having a positive brotherly relationship. Unfortunately, it doesn’t play a significant role after Moses’ exile. I didn’t need a Maximus clone either. In the source material, he’s the worst choice for leading a large group of people: no leadership skills, can’t speak well, and no charisma. Moses as a general in Egypt’s army removes everything compelling about him. His military background doesn’t matter at all.
Exodus was a good opportunity to play with God’s portrayal. This wasn’t aimed at a Christian audience, so the possibilities were limitless. Weird cyclone being, pillar of fire, imagery from the book of Danial, shadowy figure, a thunder storm, a sparkling unicorn with grenade earrings, a fat black woman or anything besides a bald English child would’ve worked for God’s physical form. They could have rotated different forms every time Moses encountered Israel’s savor. A child representing God is cliched and lacks any originality.
A good adaptation will stay true to the spirit of its source material. Noah, despite it’s severe departure from the Biblical narrative, succeeded by keeping to fundamental events. Ridley is a far better director, but he could taken some hints from Aronofsky. Exodus also covers key events, but fails in execution. Any Exodus story needs epic, truly world shattering, plagues. While awe inspiring, the film throws needless amounts of realism for no reason. The Nile turning to blood is probably my favorite plague. Instead of having the water simply turn into blood, all the creatures in the river kill each other to turn the river red. The drama of water physically becoming blood becomes non-existent. It should be supernatural, like space mag—I mean—the Force in Star Wars. Anyone else see a problem here? If the blood wasn’t bad enough, they screwed up the Red Sea parting too. The parting should be sudden because that properly illustrates the awesomeness and drama. Worse, instead of the sea crashing down on Ramses’ entire army (favorite part of the story—does that make me a bad person?), most of them fall off a mountain road. Bull-hockey! Ridley’s taking the “awe” out of awesome.
Ever read a book where the main character exists, but has no impact? Look no further than Twilight. Strangely, Ridley’s Moses and Bella share similar purposes: they lack agency. Moses’ agency wouldn’t be an issue, but it’s emphasized early in the plot. Bald English man-child God has to essentially convince Moses about freeing the Hebrews. Making God’s chosen a skeptic was poor character development. It doesn’t make sense—everyone believed in gods back then—and he looses the necessary connection to Hebrew culture. This is probably the most confusing writing decision. Never once was I convinced that Moses considered himself a Hebrew, even after a decade in Midian. Moses’ struggle should emerge from being child of two worlds. He grew as an Egyptian, but learns about his origins and finds his wife during exile. Confrontation emerges when his genuine concern for his people grinds against the culture he once considered his own. Exodus conveys none of this struggle due to absurdly poor execution. A majority of screen time is spent on the Egyptians and almost none is devoted to the Hebrews. I wasn’t sure where to place my sympathizes, especially when the plagues occurred. If that was a “clever” reversal by the film writers, then it completely failed. Moses seeing Ramses again would be a great source of drama, but both men act like they were always enemies. Maybe Moses only went because he feared one of English child God’s tantrums.
Exodus doesn’t make sense and wastes our time. At least fifteen minutes of film is devoted to military training montages and supply raids. That’s irrelevant and exists only because Moses was a general. What was God’s expectation? “Tell Pharaoh to free my people and I expect you to do it via your military experience. You got this bruh!” The opening battle with the Hittites establishes nothing, giving the illusion that more battles are to come. Moses confronts Ramses two times about releasing the Hebrews: first at night in the stables and second just before the last plague. On both occasions, Moses sneaks in off screen. I didn’t know God trained him to be a ninja. This also gives the plagues no real narrative occasion. Another time where the source material should have been followed. By performing the snake miracle in front of the Egyptian court, Moses shows the power of the God who sent him. In the film version, Moses doesn’t provide Pharaoh with that clarity. Killing every Egyptian first born is an event someone who cared for Ramses would clearly warn him about. Instead, Moses vaguely mentions “something” might happen to his son. For reasons unknown to me—probably to lengthen screen time—Moses and other Hebrews on horseback ride back into the Red Sea to meet Pharaoh’s army while walls of water are closing in. In addition to be a general, Moses wasn’t very smart either. God giving Moses the Ten Commandments is five minute after thought which is insulting.
This movie is half-ass at every turn, excluding set design and CGI. Thankfully, I saw it for free. Exodus shares a fundamental problem with Prometheus: a lack of direction. Ridley could have made a film recasting Moses as a rebel to Egyptian authority, axing the plagues all together. That would have pleased me more than what I witnessed. What to see a great modern adaption of an iconic story? Watch The Prince of Egypt.
Alternative to watching this movie a second time: a being a crew member in Alien.
Alternative to watching this movie a second time: a being a crew member in Alien.
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