I’m comfortable writing about almost anything, unless it involves shameful activities in my life. Suddenly, reluctance turns my fingers to stone and strangles my cognitive process. A majority of my readers are people I know since Lady Luck hasn’t bestowed me with the fedora of fame. Anonymity can no longer shield me unless I disregard personal details; however, that would be disingenuous. My advice to young writers: avoid confessional pieces, they’re a pain in the ass.
Pornographic addiction has afflicted me for over a decade (not always consistent in frequency) and is one my greatest failures as a person. Today, I’ll share my experience with this increasingly present commodity in our society. No moral statements will be made in this post. One is not a “terrible human being” for looking at porn—unless it’s child porn—or being a porn star. Framing this issue in such a manner is counter-productive and encourages judgment on the people who are involved. Many claim that in moderation pornography is harmless or potentially beneficial, but both are misleading conclusions.
Like other forms of fiction, watching porn will not turn a reasonable person into a rapist, sexist, sexual deviant or anything similar. Fiction, even in massive quantity, can’t rewrite peoples’ personalities. Virtually no studies have found a substantial connection between pornography use and sex-related crimes. Some researchers postulate the 85% decrease of rapes in United States since 1990 is inversely proportional to availability of pornography. However, I reject this notion since other factors might not be considered and violent crimes have similarly declined.
Freudian thinking presents porn as a conduit for a person’s repressed sexual desires. An example: Bob discovers he has a propensity towards rough or even violent sex. Instead of repressing these desires which could cause him to commit these actions in reality, certain fetish porn provides him with a safe and fictional outlet. He might even find a community of people with similar tendencies, allowing Bob to better qualify/control his urges. I find this logic faulty due to the nature of porn. Everyone handles it differently, but I never knew anyone who used ir “moderately” and that wasn’t the case for me. Bob doesn’t need porn, he needs a therapist.
Understand that an addiction to porn differs greatly from drug addition so the two should never be equated with each other. Yet, people shouldn’t dismiss the negative influence porn can have on a person. My first glance into this dark, erotic world occurred during my freshman year in high school. An innocent curiosity turned into a monster I can’t seem to slay, mostly due to self-sabotage. The toll this “beneficial” or “harmless” activity has taken on my life is hard to qualify. Before my own experience is discussed, I don’t claim my life as definitive proof. There are always exceptions.
1. Young people shouldn’t be exposed to porn, but the Internet has made exposure an inevitability. Porn creates unrealistic expectations for sex, perpetuates outrageous standards of female beauty and offers a corrupted vision of real intimacy. Adults generally understand this is fiction, but young boys don’t have the same clarity. My intellectual grasp of intimacy is fine, but years of addiction have crippled my ability to be intimate with anyone. Let’s slay another myth: pornography isn’t education in any way. Want to spice up your sex life or performance in bed? There’s a myriad of sites about sex toys and positions, go there.
2. Often Porn is used as a surrogate for real women. I’ve fallen into this trap in the past. In this regard, most experts agree that pornography is harmful. The rate of rape and murders is extremely low in Japan and porn advocates use this country as an example of pornography’s “positive” aspects. The Japanese are very open about sexuality, but not gender roles. They have similar rating systems for porn, but it’s probably less of a taboo for teens to read it. A strong endorsement right? Well, not necessary. Anime and Hentai (pornographic anime/manga) share the same cultural space. An Otaku (a derogatory term for someone who is obsessed with anime culture) will watch and read both kinds of media. Certain men and boys are contributing a shrinking population because they don’t interact with women at all. They literally prefer “2D girls” over real ones. Porn isn’t the sole cause of this phenomenon, but I think it’s a factor. We’re starting to see a similar culture, revolving around porn stars, emerging in the States.
3. Porn wastes massive amounts of time. In the past, half my day would be wasted looking at porn. I could have been bettering my life by doing any number of alternative activities. Granted, a similar amount of my days has been devoted to video games or reading, but those times were spent increasing my knowledge or socializing with friends who I don’t see often.
4. While there are healthy ways to masturbate, pornography doesn’t encourage that behavior. Chronic over-masturbation has some nasty side effects which can lead to Erectile Dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other unpleasant conditions.
5. Relationships will suffer because of porn. Referencing back to point three, binging on porn definitely discourages one from leaving the house. I’ve lied to friends, claiming to be doing another activity when really I was jerking off. That’s shameful. Marriages suffer as well. Turning to porn when you have a wife will alienate her. People often wonder why the divorce rate has increased, care to guess? What if both spouses watch porn together? Same problem still exists. My addiction blinded me when I needed clarity which resulted in me initiating the destruction of a close friendship. Another regret I get to nail on my mental wall.
6. I don’t want to sound like a feminist, but porn objectifies the people in it. There’s nothing empowering about having fake sex for money. We should value our bodies more than that. Otherwise, it’s just depressing because our cultural beliefs are reflected in this attitude.
1. Young people shouldn’t be exposed to porn, but the Internet has made exposure an inevitability. Porn creates unrealistic expectations for sex, perpetuates outrageous standards of female beauty and offers a corrupted vision of real intimacy. Adults generally understand this is fiction, but young boys don’t have the same clarity. My intellectual grasp of intimacy is fine, but years of addiction have crippled my ability to be intimate with anyone. Let’s slay another myth: pornography isn’t education in any way. Want to spice up your sex life or performance in bed? There’s a myriad of sites about sex toys and positions, go there.
2. Often Porn is used as a surrogate for real women. I’ve fallen into this trap in the past. In this regard, most experts agree that pornography is harmful. The rate of rape and murders is extremely low in Japan and porn advocates use this country as an example of pornography’s “positive” aspects. The Japanese are very open about sexuality, but not gender roles. They have similar rating systems for porn, but it’s probably less of a taboo for teens to read it. A strong endorsement right? Well, not necessary. Anime and Hentai (pornographic anime/manga) share the same cultural space. An Otaku (a derogatory term for someone who is obsessed with anime culture) will watch and read both kinds of media. Certain men and boys are contributing a shrinking population because they don’t interact with women at all. They literally prefer “2D girls” over real ones. Porn isn’t the sole cause of this phenomenon, but I think it’s a factor. We’re starting to see a similar culture, revolving around porn stars, emerging in the States.
3. Porn wastes massive amounts of time. In the past, half my day would be wasted looking at porn. I could have been bettering my life by doing any number of alternative activities. Granted, a similar amount of my days has been devoted to video games or reading, but those times were spent increasing my knowledge or socializing with friends who I don’t see often.
4. While there are healthy ways to masturbate, pornography doesn’t encourage that behavior. Chronic over-masturbation has some nasty side effects which can lead to Erectile Dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other unpleasant conditions.
5. Relationships will suffer because of porn. Referencing back to point three, binging on porn definitely discourages one from leaving the house. I’ve lied to friends, claiming to be doing another activity when really I was jerking off. That’s shameful. Marriages suffer as well. Turning to porn when you have a wife will alienate her. People often wonder why the divorce rate has increased, care to guess? What if both spouses watch porn together? Same problem still exists. My addiction blinded me when I needed clarity which resulted in me initiating the destruction of a close friendship. Another regret I get to nail on my mental wall.
6. I don’t want to sound like a feminist, but porn objectifies the people in it. There’s nothing empowering about having fake sex for money. We should value our bodies more than that. Otherwise, it’s just depressing because our cultural beliefs are reflected in this attitude.
Pornography has altered my life forever. It makes me a hypocrite and separates me from my God. Where is my credibility on this subject when I am no where close to conquering my problem? If I could go back in time to that day twelve years ago, drastic measures would be taken to ensure my younger self never clicked that first link, brutal and devastating measures. Young boys and girls don’t be deceived. Pornography offers nothing but temporary pleasure, emptiness and regret. I’m not advocating for puritanical authoritarianism. Nudity and sexuality has a place in fiction, just not in a media that serves only to titillate its audience.Side note: My prayers go out to porn star “Cytherea” and her family. Their house was broken into last month and she was raped. Thankfully, the culprits were caught and have been sentenced.
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